| The Advantages of Imagination |
[Jul. 15th, 2020|12:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  BYE | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Last Living Souls" and "White Light"- Gorillaz | ] |
At some point in the distant past I promised myself I would never bid LiveJournal adieu. But that's what I'm doing. I think. Permanence is an impossible assessment.
For whatever reason, I have this extreme urge to give it up. It feels like breaking up with a girlfriend and leaving a relationship that hasn't been working for a long time, but has endured nonetheless far longer than it should have.
It's a lot like moving on, but less significant.
LiveJournal serves some very obvious purposes. There are those who find themselves through this device, others who conquer boredom, a few who explore real thoughts, and so on. But I think sometimes (for me anyway) the whole concept threatens to act as a replacement or substitute for certain really important elements of life.
Probably its best function is to chronicle. However, I'm currently following a diverging path. Recently I've come to realize that I've always enjoyed creating other worlds waaay outside this one. It's an escapist mindset. It's the mind of those lost in a fantasy world, though I hope to reconcile my fantasy worlds with the real world through new, unique methods. None of that is remotely possible here.
And also, it feels weird receiving random unsolicited bits of selective information from people's lives, many of whom were once very close friends. I feel like a stalker. If I'm going to know what's going on in somebody's life, I'd rather hear it from them over the phone or in person accompanied by a cup of coffee. And sometimes I receive WAY much more information than I ever really wanted anyway... in fact that was the reason I finally decided enough was enough.
However I have to note real quick, recently my favorite entries to read have been written by Christine Hall (who I miss a lot!)... Christine, your lighthearted, spiritual, genuine writing provides a reason to keep reading. And it's always nice knowing what you're up to.
At various points, I've received positive feedback concerning the quality of my writing, and all such comments have been positively received. Really, truly appreciated. Rather than continue writing on LiveJournal, however, I'm finding it's personally much more productive to focus my energies on outside projects. Even the few minutes it takes to update LiveJournal feel indulgent to me. As in, right now.
Tranquil dreams are boring. God. Far more exciting things... tumultuous dreaming at the very least. Not to mention... heh. Whatever. Time to wake up.
I'm outta here. |
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| Halloween Party I Guess |
[Nov. 1st, 2005|04:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  scary | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Nightmare Before Christmas | ] |
ahh2bblonde dressed as Spongebob.
boats_of_fire dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Terry.
bonzer dressed as Calvin Coolidge.
brightsoul_boy dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Loopy Gizzardjuice".
celestial_abyss dressed as a Kechi Brothers, Ltd. employee.
cleokid dressed as the Archbishop of Kyfphex.
darkocraze dressed as Abraham Lincoln.
dementedamanda forgot to put on clothes!
dollfaceemopunk dressed as Woody Harrelson.
enby dressed as the love child of Regis Philbin and Pamela Anderson, though it looked more like Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
genericbetty dressed as something real, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
ginizza gets drunk, strips naked, and somehow emerges dressed as Ted Williams.
honeybunch dressed as a bottle of Verzac.
isawstars dressed as a chimney.
italgirl22 dressed as Gabrielle Union.
jazzhot dressed as Michelle Branch.
jeannieoui dressed as a blue sleeve.
kemmy430 dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
kissthesaline dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Erratic Killer.
last_impression dressed as a cold ghost.
laurenissocool dressed as David Copperfield riding a bear.
les_incompetent dressed as the Governor of Indiana.
liqurshotz dressed as Cindy Crawford's uncle.
littleprelude dressed as a rat.
loki13 dressed as Uhura from "Star Trek".
longshot_dreams dressed as a can of Coke.
lovelysadie85 dressed as your father.
meese04 forgot to put on clothes!
mermaid1213 dressed as a fullback for the Giants.
midgetcl dressed as a character from "Modern Times".
minwin dressed as a pirate.
mouy dressed as Princess Leia.
mts182 dressed as Martha Stewart.
nappyking56 dressed as a goblin.
notsokoolaid4 dressed as a 1970's disco child.
nowtheysickenme dressed as Rush Limbaugh.
ouchmyknee dressed as the Weak Power Ranger.
piperbm102927 dressed as Optimus Prime.
princessliza dressed as a eyebrow.
pureleo dressed as a third baseman for the Mariners.
rachie116 dressed as a ghost.
realitybites3 dressed as Marilyn Manson.
remyryan didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
renton605 dressed as a new superhero: Metal Person.
schmeckle18 dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Fanatical Samurai, though it looked more like a interrim paper pusher.
sexysahara dressed as the Cardinal of Chestnutdale.
sexystephy dressed as the President of Belgium.
speeddemon1613 dressed as Julia Roberts.
steenydoll dressed as a rabbit.
stumpmaster dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Prince of Anaheim.
ultimoo dressed as a Level 3 ranger.
utopianpassion dressed as a assistant system administrator.
when_yourdead didn't dress up, spoilsport.
wingedseraph dressed as the Duke of Vucit.
Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense |
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| This is the Dawning of the Rest of Our Lives |
[Aug. 8th, 2005|01:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Holiday" by Green Day | ] |
I've never felt so overworked and simultaneously useless. What's my contribution going to be to this stupid world? I'm a moderately-talented writer, but it's occurring to me, nomatter how well you write, your depictions of the world and subsequent influences are always severely limited.
For a while, my motivations as a writer were completely off, which lead to lackluster work. I think this is why I abandoned fiction way back when for poetry... I could be thoroughly invested in mystery, I could create the mystery that hinted at something more, but I could rarely create a world.
If this semester has been worth the work, it's because I've finally learned how to write. I've learned how to listen to the characters I create, instead of forcing words into their mouths. I've learned to let my characters live independently of me, and my writing frequently surprises me as of late. I've also learned how to reconcile my propensity for poetry with other writing forms. It's prolly safe to say I've never enjoyed writing this much in all my life.
Which is good, because sooner than later I'm going to have to start thinking about grad school and all that jazz. At least I have some direction. Some. Maybe. Ah, who am I kidding.
Thanks to all who sent me happy birthday wishes for my 21st a few weeks ago. I really appreciated it- a lot of people remembered, it was nice. In some ways, due largely to the efforts of my girlfriend, it was the best birthday I've ever had.
I'm becoming way too psuedo-existentialist, and it's gradually seeping into my writing, my everyday thoughts, and even my everyday conversations.
In some ways this has been the semester of repeated lost opportunities. I really wish I could have seen Green Day when they came to Binghamton. I really wish I had gone out once downtown this semester. I didn't even get appropriately trashed for my 21st birthday, completely foregoing the usual ritual marking the transition from hapless kid to hapless-kid-with-drinking-privileges. But fortunately the utter chaos of Albany redeemed things to the point where I think I received a semester's worth of debauchery in one weekend. It's a little depressing to think about all the fun I missed out on this semester. At the same time, next semester has so much potential and promise it's unbelievable.
I'm well aware of the irony of the situation. My experiences at Binghamton get progressively better and better, and when they reach their very best, that's when it will come to an abrupt end. If I were rich I'd totally stay in college for the hell of it.
LiveJournal is so masturbatory. There's nowhere in life we can get away with just babbling endlessly about ourselves and our so-called "deep thoughts" (outside of counseling, god I miss counseling) so we resort to this forum of emotion release and self-satisfaction. It's masturbation without the mess. Well, maybe with the mess.
I've had so much work this semester, I've been forced to ignore some very important friendships. Honestly, there was a four week period during which I never got more than four hours of sleep per night. I hope that once this crazy semester ends, somehow I can re-establish my connections with people. Remove yourself from the world and sometimes it's difficult finding that elusive loophole back in...
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. |
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| Cynicism Versus Karma Round One |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|01:53 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lol whatever | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Say It If You Mean It" by Tsunami Bomb | ] |
Every time I log onto LiveJournal, I'm reminded of why I hate LiveJournal.
My computer had an error which I sort of accidentally deliberately caused and now I don't have any of my writing from the past three years. Nevermind that these circumstances are atrocious. On one hand I'm excited to start with a clean slate. On the other hand there are a few pieces that I need to somehow reacquire.
I'm excited about this weekend. Excited about my birthday (far as I'm concerned the only one that really counts between birth and death). I'm excited about the mystery present my girlfriend got me. I think I'm gonna love it and she's gonna hate what I get her. But. It happens.
I want to host a dance party to this CD. I'd get everyone liquored up, we'd all dance around and then I'd blow us all to kingdom come with a lick of plastic explosive.
You can't tell, because my cynicism is so rampant, but I'm actually in a wonderful mood.
Sin City was amazing beyond description and after what, two weeks? I STILL can't stop thinking about it.
Karma is my best friend and worst enemy. Think if I shot karma in the back with a 12 guage, karma would come get me? But karma would be dead, lead smoking out its hole of a back. But maybe a new, more vicious karma would come. Or maybe theres only one karma, and after the assassination attempt, karma would really be pissed and deliver that thrashing its been waiting to dish out. Or maybe if I killed karma, it would be gone forever, and all religions would take a new tone and we could take matters into our own hands. Or maybe, simply by speaking about killing off karma, I've doomed myself to a terrible day tomorrow.
Kampai! |
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| Bitch Bitch Bitch Until I Can Bitch No More |
[Feb. 7th, 2005|11:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The O.C. theme song, stuck in my head, driving me insane. | ] |
Dear World,
Sorry for my absence for the past week and a half or so. I've been infuriatingly busy with school, and pretty sick as well. I'm starting to get better. I'll say hi to all of you soon.
Love, Jon Brett
Updates:
I get depressed that I can't watch The O.C. every hour of my life.
I don't think I'm cut out to be a writer, despite recent positive reinforcement that would indicate otherwise.
I get depressed that I can't play Metal Gear and Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne every hour of my life.
I'm worried about home.
I get depressed that everyone I know has about a hundred Facebook friends and I have, like, two. Haha I'm really just kidding, I don't give a shit about Facebook.
I hate school. I should be loving my classes this semester and I'm not. I am tired and it seems no amount of rest can rejuvenate me.
I get depressed when I think about the indisputable fact that I've been making an ass out of myself on a daily basis. When did I become a full-fledged tool? And how was I not aware of the transition?
I forgot that I basically only use LiveJournal for bi-monthly bitching. |
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| The Room |
[Dec. 12th, 2004|02:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  creepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | BROOOOOKEN! by Seether (this one's for you Mike) | ] |
Well it's been a long, crazy, wild, occassionally creepy ride, filled with the most laughter I've ever known and a little more ripping on loved ones than could ever possibly be deemed appropriate.
It finally hit me that our tenure as roommates has come to a close, after a year and a half of utter evil and blasphemy. People don't realize, this place was a Den of Sin long before the lustful antics of four lost souls scarred me for life.
Thing is, each semester just got better and better. And we didn't even have to try.
Not many long-time friends could handle being roommates this long, much less thrive. I suppose there's a real bond that transpires from playing an integral role in each other's eternal damnation. Then again, there's a real bond that transpires from frequently being each other's salvation. I'm grateful for these times I've shared with my best friend.
Next year, it will be Pantozzi, Troha and Brett under the same roof in the back streets of Binghamton. Imagine the untold horrors we will unleash. It will be great. |
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| It's a Special Occassion When I Fill Out a Survey |
[Nov. 21st, 2004|11:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper. wonder why | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | harvey keitel babbling | ] |
1. What color pants are you wearing? khaki
>2. What are you listening to right now? from dusk till dawn
3. Favorite TV show? -futurama, and late night with conan o'brien
>4. Last thing you ate? grits ((shock))
>5. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? prolly blue violet
7. Last person you talked to on the phone? Kate
>8. Do you like the person who sent you this? nobody sent it to me, shitheads
>9. How are you feeling today? pretty much the same as always
>10. Favorite Drink? water or powerade
>11. Favorite Alcoholic Drink? vodka
>12. Favorite Soda? diet coke, or sprite
>13. Favorite Sport? baseball, basketball
>13a. Favorite sports team? right now, the boston freaking red sox (yeah world champs)
>14. Hair Color? dark brown/black
>15. How many years have you been married? ...what? come again?
>16. Your spouses name? come again again?
17. Siblings? Julia and Sarah
>18. Favorite Day of the Year? April 19th
>19. Are you too shy to ask someone out? not really...
>21. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla
22. Favorite movie? Back to the Future, Pulp Fiction
23. Favorite holiday? Christmas, Easter
>24. Favorite season? Spring
>25. Career? poetry
>26. What books are you reading? Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
27. What's on your mouse pad? the Japanese symbol for "love"
>28. Favorite board game? scategories
>29. What did you do last night? celebrated my four month by watching the greatest abomination in animated cinema lore, "the polar express"
>31. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? flip no
>32. What inspires you? art
>33. Buttered, Plain, or salted popcorn? salted and buttered, duh
>34. Favorite Car? neverland. even tho she's dead
>35. Favorite Flower? i'm a guy
>36. Favorite Hobby? drawing
>37. Favorite ice cream flavor? vanilla
>38. Favorite food? all food rocks
39. What are you going to be for Halloween? batman, forever (ha, amazing pun)
>40. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?
japan
>41. What's your middle name? ronald (gack, choke, kill self)
>42. Favorite word? elusive. or clarity. ElusiveClarity
>43. Who is most likely to respond? anyone who reads this. what a great question
>44. Least likely to respond? your mom (is an ox) |
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| It Would Be Wrong Calling Them Misgivings |
[Nov. 17th, 2004|11:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  listless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ---- | ] |
I need a vacation.
This unfulfilled artistic impulse to create constantly tortures me, most prominently when it lies on the shore of a winter beach, waiting for me to return. I want to deliver a message and relay, I'll be back soon. Right now I'm trying to find a warm blanket.
Frustration completely consumed me recently. There are simply too many sources for irreparable apprehension. But perhaps this uncomfortable state will lead me to a perfect choice, one that involves abandoning the search and sitting down in solitary to weave. |
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| 7 Unlucky Frustrations |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|04:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated- obviously | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Jane Says" Jane's Addiction | ] |
There are things that are frustrating me beyond belief lately. For my own peace of mind, here are just a few.
1. I'm currently involved with a club on campus of extreme disorganization and, in my opinion, poor leadership decisions. I, as a member of the executive board, find myself faced with various responsibilities. I'm tired of spending time and effort on an organization that can't pull through. There are many things I would be doing differently if I were in charge. I like the people involved a lot, but I hate how things are run. I'm torn between wanting to quit and walk my own path, and continue struggling to make this club a success.
2. There's a person in my life who constantly hurts me. She is constantly selfish, even though I try so hard to be nice to her. I'm tired of this person's narrow-minded selfishness which adversely affects everyone in her midst. This has gone on for literally years, there should be some respite.
3. Well there's the election business. While I'm saddened by Kerry's defeat, which was somewhat inevitable, I'm even more disturbed by the continued animosity on both sides. These next four more years don't have to be a prelude to Armageddon. There's always political activism, which has proven quite effective throughout the nation's history. Of course, most people will simply find themselves content to complain, and spread hatred. I'll admit, I'm no better, I prolly won't get involved in any political movements until the next election. But I'm not going to randomly gun down Republicans on the street just because they're stupid.
4. School is never-ending work, and for some reason I find myself continually obligated to obtain good grades. Shouldn't I be focusing on things that might actually get me somewhere, like the talents I perpetually ignore or cast aside in favor of crap like Temptress: the History of Seductive Women? I feel like an admirable transcript is going to get me about as far as a frisbee made of solid brick. I want nothing more than to skip my classes for a day and be productive in my own way.
5. It's that time of year when I run out of money and starve as a result.
6. Laundry.
7. Everything pop-culture bothers me. Joey is still on the air. They're making new episodes of Family Guy, and they're not making new episodes of Futurama. Ashlee Simpson thinks she's great. The new Star Wars looks just as shitty as the first and second. And The Incredibles, which ranks in among the best movies ever, is not out on DVD so I can't watch it every waking second of my life. Also, Jessica Alba is Invisible Girl. When is it going to end!?!??? |
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| Indescribable |
[Oct. 29th, 2004|12:09 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Tom Sawyer" - Rush | ] |
I don't know what I ever did to deserve being constantly surrounded by two of the people I love most in my life.
You know who you are.
This is still the gayest LiveJournal entry ever.
(and still, the most true) |
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tranquildream's journal